Já. Þetta eru leiðbeiningar sem ég fann. Leiðbeiningtar um hvað? 'Eg held að það útskýri sig sjálft.

The Drunk Dial. The standard. The classic. The art form. Yes, the drunk dial is art, although it's easy. First, make sure that you have nothing to say. I know it makes no sense now, but not having anything to say has never stopped a drunk from talking. Second, yell. Be as loud as possible. This will serve to irritate that arrogant little snot who thinks they're better than you because they stayed sober. Lastly, don't stop at one. Five minutes after they hang up on you, call them back with (surprise!) nothing to say. Repeat until you are ignored for the night.

2. Spike their drink. If they've decided that drinking soda or juice is enough to hang out with you while you drink, they're wrong. Dead wrong. Do the right thing. Share your alcohol, preferably directly into their glass, and definitely while they're not looking. The point isn't to get them drunk. No, no. They'll know immediately what you've done, and get upset. Explain to them that you're sorry, but those are the rules of the game. Once again, repeat at will.

3. Hook up. I know it's hard for some of you to pull this one off. I know. I also know that alcohol greatly increases your chances of hooking up; conversely, sobriety greatly decreases them. See what I'm getting at here? After hooking up, brag to your tee-totalling friend, who will try to rationalize their lonely night by saying that they're not "into that." Congratulations, my bottle-loving companion. You've chased them into self-denial, loneliness, and regret! Pass the Zoloft!

4. Be immature. For some people, this comes naturally, but everyone's capable of it. Childish humor takes so very little skill to do well, plus everything is funnier when you're drunk. I'm not a math major, but that equals instant comedy to me! Think about it: why would you want to deface Stevie Sobriety's door with a 28-word dig on his erratic sense of wit, when it takes but one or two seconds to just write "POOP" in giant letters? The verbal form of this is equally effective. Don't hesitate to go up to a sober friend and tell them quite plainly, "Poop!" Be sure they catch a whiff of your breath (it should smell like booze, not poop; this is key). If they complain, just remember: That's what they get for not drinking.

5. Finally, don't give in. Don't give those bastards anything to work with. Don't admit to having a hangover. Don't complain that you spent too much last night. Revel in what your night (evening, afternoon, and if you're really skilled, morning) of drunken debauchery gave you. Tell funny stories, and in as great of detail as you can remember them. In essence, tell them in no uncertain terms that you enjoy drinking. If you don't enjoy drinking, then you have a problem, because that means you enjoy things like restraint and inhibitions. If I were to make a list of everything that would make life intolerable, I would put those two up there with "Living On The South Pole," and "Getting Forcibly Pleasured In My Own Rectum By The Incredible Hulk." If they still don't want to enjoy letting themselves go, to hell with 'em, the bar's crowded enough as it is.
Drink on, soldiers. If it were easy, everyone would do it.