"Yesterday I was hassled by an automatic weapon.
I was waiting for an elevator, drinking beer, and I must stress I was doing this extermely casually, when suddenly a loud, harsh voice behind me said: "What the hell are you doing, you punk? Do you want to go to jail!?"
"What?" I said, and turned around. The owner of that grating voice turned out to be a staggeringly large automatic pistol, gunmetal grey, probably an uzi or a mac-10, although I can´t be sure. That is...there was no holding it, in fact there was no one in sight. The gun was simply per se and moved around by hopping on it´s butt and when it spoke the front part of the barrell moved fluidly, like lips. This scared the bejesus out of me. I stared at it like a fool, and then I said "what?" again.
This seemed to infuriate the gun even more, and it said, icily, deadly: "I am in no mood for your insults or your shit, boy. I am fully loaded, and I will take you down in a heartbeat. I will do this with absolutely no hesitation or remorse whatsoever. Now put that shit down and your hands up."
"Jesus!" I exclaimed. "I don´t want no trouble mister...ah...gun...and I assure I am a sane and law-abiding citizen."
At this the gun jabbed it´s muzzle fiercely into my ribs and screamed "Put your goddamn hands up right now, you goddamn punk, or I will open fire! Do it now!"
"Jesus Christ!" I began, but the automatic weapon interrupted me.
"Stop that goddamn blashempy right now punk!" it howled at me. "Do not insult the name of our Lord and Savior to my ears, you piece of shit, or you will meet him right now!"
"Well, sorry..." I tried desperately, but the gun interrupted me fiercely again.
"Although you won´t meet him if neutralize you now, you no good loser!" it bellowed. "You´d go straight to hell, you goddamn wimp!"
"Whatever´s right," I said quickly, and lowered the beer slowly to the floor. "Now listen..."

To be continued...